Nerves
Posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 at 8:44 pmI usually don’t get nervous. I started playing the violin when I was four, and played in festivals as far back as I can remember. I can’t remember ever being nervous at a young age, but I can remember being nervous in performances as I got older. Still, I don’t get nervous very often. Now, though, I hardly play my violin at all. It sits for weeks at a time in it’s little coffin, never seeing the light of day. I can’t really say why I don’t play it much. I’m sure it has a lot to do with my kids. London hates it when I play. But I don’t play when they’re in bed either. Not very often, at least. I think I’m starting to see why. I get nervous. Taylor’s home when the kids are in bed and I’m nervous to play in front of him. He’s a music professor. He knows what sounds good and bad. Although I know he’s not paying attention or critiquing me, I’m apprehensive to play around him, and especially practice within ear-shot of him.
I practiced tonight while Taylor was upstairs watching a movie. He opted out of doing the dishes while I was practicing, trying to stay out of my way and make me more comfortable. I appreciated that. After a good practice session, I feel good. I feel muscles that I don’t use much anymore. Maybe if I played more often, I wouldn’t be so nervous to play in front of my own husband. I’m playing in a recital this Friday evening. I got a phone call a couple of weeks ago from an older lady in our previous stake, asking me, no telling me, that she would like me to play a concert in her home. Before I could even think of an excuse, she was telling me all about how she loves having concerts in her home. She has a big room with a piano and can seat 40-50 people comfortably. She told me that her daughter would be my accompanist and that I needed to prepare 5-6 pieces. She also informed me that a tenor from New York would be there singing as well. There was no way for me to say “no.” I guess that’s a good thing because I’m sure I could have and probably would have. But here I am, having practiced twice so far, and playing a recital on Friday. I’m surprisingly kind of excited about it. It’s nice to work toward something and I’m surprised at how quickly old music is coming back to me. I’m even going to play a couple of pieces I’ve never performed before and just kind of worked up on my own since college. Hopefully I won’t be nervous. I’m not yet.
Fun! I need a good excuse to practice more. It doesn’t happen very often for me, either!
You are too funny and ditto everything you said. I really need to play more! I love the valances you made, they look great!
I remember accompaning you in Sacrament Meeting way back when. I was always so impressed with your ability to play the violin. I felt so “Blah” compared to you because “everyone” plays the piano BUT you played the violin!
I totally get the not practicing part. I haven’t practice the piano in ages and I was asked to sub in RS on Sunday. It should have been the easiest thing, but I can’t tell you how many mistakes I made My fingers would not move!
Good luck Friday. I’m sure you’ll do great.
It’s funny, isn’t it, about how we (musical folks) get nervous to play in front of our (also stupid musical) spouses? I am the pianist for the trio Drue wrote last year and I get all clammy when he’s listening. How funny about London not liking you to play violin- James hates when I practice piano, but he would love to see me play the violin. The only reason I know that is because he gets all excited when other people play the violin. Oliver, on the other hand, LOVES when I play piano. Does Ashton show a preference? Kudos on the recital! I’m not a “soloist” right now- just playing in a trio- and it’s probably a good thing. But don’t you agree that it is so affirming to just practice for real? Almost as if you get to show God that he really did a good job making you a musician- and even though we’re busy mommys, we still appreciate the talent! Go Kirsten!
ps. wish I could accompany you:)
Your recital sounds SO cool! How neat to play in such a professional sounding recital in someone’s house! Good luck! You and Taylor are so cute!
Ummm, you can come play at my house anytime. Violin is my absolute FAV instrument. Oh how I WISH I could play! You lucky lucky girl!
At least you have a reason to practice. That’s always the first challenge in my mommy-previously-musician life. Besides, don’t kid yourself; you’ll do great.