These Days
Posted on Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 at 8:42 pmI haven’t been wanting to blog lately, mostly because I don’t want people really feeling sorry for me. I think, however, that it’s important to put myself out there right now. I know there are some of you who are or have in the past or will someday deal with the issues I’m dealing with right now and can benefit from what I have to say. Even if you never will, maybe my writings will help you better understand your loved ones who are struggling with similar situations.
I have always been pretty on top of things. I don’t get flustered easily. I get things done. I don’t stress. I’m a pretty put together and optimistic person. Lately I don’t know where that person is. I feel sad and unsure of how to get anything done. I cry. A lot. I have no motivation. I’m tired. I’m cranky. Let me illustrate: this is what my house looked like 5 hours ago (it’s not much different now).
Coloring books and colored pencils always adorn the floor of my living room. That’s pretty much how London spends all of her time, much of it watching movies (I know, bad Mom).
Sometimes I wonder if this area will ever be clean for more than a couple of hours.
The sewing machine is still not put away. I keep meaning to fix Ashton’s crib bumper but that keeps getting put off. At least I have pretty flowers to dress the messy table up a little bit.
This room is never clean. Note the exersaucer I put together yesterday. I knew we didn’t have room for it but I was sure Ashton would love it. Yeah, not so much. At least not yet.
Note the laundry that’s constantly piling up. This is clean and has been for about a week. At least I have a sleeping baby.
There are a lot of factors contributing to my change of attitude and my complacency. My schedule has been pretty lax this summer. I haven’t been exercising like I used to. Feeding my baby has been the biggest challenge of my life thus far. We’re still trying to find a house to buy. In addition, I’m pretty sure I have postpartum depression. I realize more and more that my feelings are normal. It’s okay for me to feel this way. It’s okay for me to need help. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow about it. I keep thinking things have to get better. They do. And they will. There was a great article in last month’s Ensign about postpartum depression. Reading that is when I realized that this is a real issue that I need to deal with. I guess we all have our challenges. This is mine now. And for now, I’m just taking things one day at a time and holding on as best I can.
Oh Kierst! That stinks! I am glad you are getting help. I had PPD!!! I got it bad after I stopped nursing Addy. I didn’t think it could go out that long but I guess it can. I actually think it is called something else by then but I dunno! I always love reading your blog positive or negative!
Um, if that is as bad as you house gets on your worst days….IT’S NOT BAD! Seriously, I have friends whose homes look like that on their best days! And crayons and coloring books on the floor? That’s the best place for them! Ashton isn’t crawling yet and chewing on things, so they are right where London can find them!
Kiersten, you are so inspiring! I love reading your blog. I am so glad that you are going to go to the doctor to see if this is indeed postpartum depression, not just baby blues. Keep us posted, things are going to get better…soon!
Hi Kierst! Hope things get better for you real soon. My baby is only one week old and I wonder sometimes how on earth I thought I could handle 2 kids? Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Hang in there, you aren’t alone. You are awesome and everyone thinks so. I know how it feels to realize that your thoughts and your moods are not normal. Get the help you need, do what you need to do for yourself, and you’ll come back to yourself. We’re all here for you.
(oh, and that laundry problem? I had that problem BEFORE I had kids!!!)
We’re all in this together, BFF. I think you’re pretty much telling my story as well. I’m so sorry. But I really love you. Why don’t I just pick up the phone and call you! When it’s not late at night, that is.
I’m glad what I shared could be of benefit to you in some way…just fyi I took Lexapro 10mg once a day until I weaned. Since you are weaning now, it might not last as long and go away sooner, but if not I hope you find something that works for you. The hardest step is to get help, so you’ve got that beat and it’s only uphill from there!!
Kudos to you. I was lucky that I didn’t get PPD, but my sis did. The doctor prescribed medication and things got so much better for her. Keep the chin up. I’ll be thinking of you.
I know things will get better for you. You are a great mom, wife, sister, friend, and you have a great husband and kids. I wish I could be there to hang out with you!!