Kiersten’s Blog

The picture has nothing to do with the post but I love it. It's taken by Nina at Urban Birdie. You can see other pictures (with a link to her page) she took of Ashton in our photo albums.

Today was much better than yesterday.  We may be going to Disneyland after all.  I can’t say it was all fun and games, though.  During sacrament meeting, London was looking at pictures on my iPod and I was trying to get her not to push the screen so hard.  She yanked her hand out of mine and poked me in the eye, which caused my contact to get stuck way up in my eye.  The only way I know of moving it out of that area is to use a little tiny plunger-like thing that I keep in my makeup bag.  My makeup bag doesn’t come with me to church, so I had Taylor hurry home to find the plunger for me.  I was able to remove the contact without any permanent damage (I think) but we both missed a lot of sacrament meeting.  London felt bad and offered me her contact.  She thought it would make me happy.  I guess she doesn’t realize that she doesn’t wear contacts.  It was a sweet gesture, nonetheless.

London couldn’t wait for sacrament meeting to be over because she was so excited to give her first talk in primary.  She did a great job and had no issues whatsoever with stage fright or talking into the microphone.  She even pronounced almost everything perfectly.  It was fun to see her in primary.  Here’s what she said (with a lot of help from me), “John 3:5 says, ‘I say unto thee, except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.’  We are born of the water when we are baptized.  Jesus came to John the baptist and asked to be baptized.  He wanted be obedient and to show us that we need to be baptized too.  We can get baptized when we’re eight years old.  After we are baptized, we will be confirmed.  This is being born of the Spirit.  When we are confirmed, we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost helps us to be good and choose the right.  It tells us the things we should do.  I want to follow Jesus and be baptized and confirmed when I’m eight.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

That is the question.  We have been planning, for the last couple of months, a trip to Disneyland as soon as Taylor was finished with school for the semester.  Grades are due on Wednesday so Disneyland is following close behind.  But now I don’t know if we’ll venture up there.  The fate of our trip to the happiest place on earth lies soley in the hands of a three year old.  It would be an understatement to say that London’s really excited to go.  I made a sticker chart for her soon after we brought Ashton home and told her that once she earned 35 stickers, we would take her to Disneyland.  She could earn a sticker for being nice to Ashton.  She quickly earned about 30 stickers.  Now as the date comes closer, she loses more stickers than she earns.  I guess part of it is my fault.  Now she not only has to be nice to Ashton, but she also has to be nice to me.  I guess that’s just too much.  I’m getting so sick of the whining and crying every time she doesn’t get exactly what she wants that I’m wondering if the Disneyland tickets will have to be handed of to a more deserving child.  I really want to go so I’m doing my best to help her be good.  For some reason, my best is not enough and I’m beside myself trying to figure out how to have a peaceful home.  The only way I can imagine this happening would be to ship her off to somebody else’s home.  I really do love my children, but sometimes I don’t like them.  I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but when London is in the middle of a fit (which happens multiple times daily) I really don’t like her.  I just keep praying that I’ll be able to help her, and in the process, help myself deal with her.

This is what Ashton looks like on our morning walks.

Isn’t this the cutest smile you’ve ever seen?  He only does it for his daddy.

P.S. If you would like to see more pictures of Ashton, I have added some fabulous ones to his photo album.

when you cross a naked three year old and a juice pop?

Pure joy.

When I gave birth to London, one of my goals was to breast feed exclusively for at least 6 months.  Since she was born with a cleft palate, she was never able to nurse so I pumped.  For 9 months.  If you’ve pumped, you know that’s a long time.  I was definitely proud of myself.  I can’t say it was easy.  It sure wasn’t, but sometimes I want those days back.  I didn’t have to be the one getting up to feed the baby in the middle of the night.  Sure, I had to get up and pump, but when I realized that every time I pumped, I was getting twice as much as she would eat, I started pumping less, thus sleeping through the night.  I had a freezer full of milk so if I needed to go somewhere without the baby, I didn’t have to worry about being back to feed her.  Anybody could do it.  Sometimes pumping was annoying, though.  At the time, I wished I could just breast feed.  It was hard to take a bottle when we would go out because it was kind of difficult to warm it up or keep it cold.  It’s also kind of difficult to pump just anywhere.  I also had a lot of problems with painful clogged milk ducts.  Still…

This time around, I really wanted to be able to nurse.  And I can.  The problem is, I had no idea how hard it would be, or how tiring.  Some days (or middle of the nights) I long for the days when I was bottle feeding.  I still have the option of pumping if I need to or want to go out but it’s more of a pain to pump if I’m pumping and breast feeding.  It takes a lot longer to have a full feeding ready.  Lately the little guy has been screaming through his feedings.  Not so much fun.  Of course I’m always the one who has to deal with it.  I also have a bit of cabin fever because I feel like I have to stay close enough to home so that I can feed him when he needs to be fed.  Sure I can feed him on the go, but I can’t hold a bottle in his mouth while we’re driving like I could with London.  Some women love to breast feed.  They feel more connected to their baby.  I don’t feel a difference.  I feel just as connected with London as I am with Ashton.  For me, nursing isn’t really an enjoyable experience.  I do it because I know that it’s the best thing for my children.  I realize that everything worthwhile comes with a price, but sometimes I think those formula feeding mothers have the right idea.  Luxury.

Last night was a great night away with my husband.  His parents came down and watched the kids while we went to the Balboa theater in downtown San Diego to listen to Yo-Yo Ma perform some Bach.  He played three of the six unaccompanied cello suites.  He played No. 1 in G Major, No. 5 in C Minor and No.3 in C Major (and 2 encores).  I’ll have to say that this was probably one of the most enjoyable concerts I have ever attended.  The music was all familiar to me.  In fact, I have played part of the 3rd suite on viola.  I enjoy going to well-played performances but this was better than I expected.  The thing that was so impressive to me was how delicately he played.  There were times that notes almost sounded like mistakes, like he brushed a string by accident.  Everything looked and sounded so easy.  He looked so relaxed and played flawlessly.  To make things even more exciting, he threw in a little earthquake during the 5th suite.  Okay, I’m sure he had no control over that but we did feel the quake.  It didn’t phase Mr. Ma at all.  I’m so glad we were able to get tickets to this fantastic performance.  What a treat.

It’s been bothering me and I know it’s been bothering Taylor.  In the last month, my house has not stayed clean for long.  I was talking to Katie on our walk on Thursday morning, complaining about how I just can’t get it clean.  I’m always trying to play a game or change a diaper or feed one or both kids or ignore the screaming, that I don’t have time to clean.  So when I saw Katie on Friday morning, she gave me two choices.  Option one: I leave for an hour while Katie comes over and cleans.  Option two: I hand my kids off to Katie while I clean.  I chose option two.  She took London for the morning and I got my house cleaner than it’s been in a month.  I’m determined to keep it that way.  It feels so good to have a clean house.  London left for the weekend so it’s been pretty easy to keep clean until today.  I can see that this will be a challenge but I think I’m up for it.  I’m so glad I have such good friends around me who help me through hard times.

I took a night away from the baby on Friday.  It was the first for me.  Taylor stayed home with him while London and I went with Christina and Isabelle to see “Cinderella” (the musical).  It was playing here at the theater in El Cajon.  I have a friend (Shelley) who so generously gave us four tickets.  Shelley was playing in the pit orchestra.  She had no idea how much fun these little girls would have at this play.  Nobody had any idea.  They screamed with excitement the whole way there.

London and Isabelle waiting for the show to start

They danced throughout the whole show.  We couldn’t keep them in their seats.  After the intermission, we moved to an area of the theater where there weren’t as many people to bother so that they could dance and really enjoy the show.  At intermission, we saw Shelley and she gave the girls Cinderella crowns to wear.  After the show, they were able to meet and hug Cinderella.  What a fun night for two little girls!  And the show was great.  I’m glad I got to spend that time with my little princess.

She had to wear her "Cinderella dress" and crown and "glass slippers to bed

If you’ve kept up, you know I was speaking in church on Sunday.  I think the talk went well.  I got a lot of good comments.  I didn’t try to sugarcoat motherhood.  I spoke about how I really feel as a mother of young children.  I did learn a lot throughout this experience of having to find joy in motherhood.  I learned that I need to look for it.  Elder Ballard gave a fabulous talk in the April conference of last year.  One thing he said was, “recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.”  I’m finding more and more of those moments.  Even though I can’t say I enjoyed giving the talk, I’m glad I had that learning experience.

My kids on Mother's Day

Mother’s day itself was a great day.  Taylor worked so hard to make it extra special for me.  He knows how I’ve been feeling lately.  He woke up and made me breakfast.  When London decided to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, he had a little talk with her about how she needed to make me feel special.  And she did.  It was fun to see her sing for the first time in church.  Taylor’s family came to spend the day with us.  Taylor made us yummy pasta for dinner.  It was nice for me to get a day off.  Not only did I get a day off, I got a day of spoiling by my husband.  It’s nice to feel appreciated and loved.  I hope my mom and Taylor’s mom felt that way too.  I so appreciate all that they have taught us and all that they do for us.

I haven’t been feeling well lately.  I’m feeling great physically, but the transition from one to two kids is really taking its toll emotionally.  I feel like I never have the time to get anything done and then when I do have the time, I don’t want to do anything.  So nothing gets done.  As you might imagine, I have plenty to keep me busy right at this very moment, but instead I blog.  I feel bad for Taylor too because he comes home day after day to a messy house.  Thank goodness for everybody who has brought us dinners recently.  I really do feel blessed to have such good people surrounding me.  Last night as we were eating one of those dinners, there was a knock at the door.  There on the front doorstep was a bouquet of two dozen roses and a box of chocolates.  I cried.  I’m almost crying again just thinking about it.  Even though I don’t keep a very tidy home lately and don’t do much for him, my husband still loves me and wants me to have a good mother’s day.  I’ll make it.