Kiersten’s Blog

There are so many things that I need to and want to document but lately I have been majorly lacking in motivation.  I’ve been lacking in motivation to do anything.  Clean my house?  How un-fun.  Fix a good, healthy meal?  Yeah, right.  Sort through pictures and blog about our adventures?  What adventures?  Do I really have time for that?  I don’t think so.  There are a number of reasons for my serious laziness.  I’m tired.  Really tired.  All the time.  I’ve been playing (it seems like) a lot of gigs.  That’s good and fun, but tiring.  I have two more concerts this week and Taylor has one also.  Then we’re done.  Pretty much.  Summer will be a welcome change.  Hopefully it will bring about much positive change and a lot less crankiness on my part.  There are a lot of things I need to learn and work on.  Mostly I need to be more Christ-like.  I need to be more forgiving and less judgmental.  And to help with the stress of all of the chaos in my life, I need to cut out all non-essentials (but I don’t think that includes chocolate).  I don’t really like the me I’ve turned into.

Sometimes I hate bed time. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE when the kids are in bed and SLEEPING. It’s getting to that point that drives me nuts. Here’s what I keep hearing:
Just one more book! Just one more. No more after this. Just one more. No! Don’t brush my teeth! I’ll do it! I don’t need to go potty! I don’t want to put my clothes in the laundry. Will somebody come with me? You forgot to turn the hall light on! Mom! I need music! Mom! I want different music! Mom! I don’t want these socks on. Mom! What socks can I wear? Mom! I need water! Mom! Rub my back! Mom! Rug my back! Mom! I need a stuffed animal. Mom! I took my ponytail out! Mom! I need covers on! Mom! I’m hot! Take my covers off!
It’s never ending. I think I’m going crazy.
But then I just heard, “Mom, will you come in here? I want to say another prayer. I had a bad dream.” I guess I must be doing something right. Are they asleep yet?

We have a 1 car garage. for many, that would mean room for storage, but not a car. That has almost always been what it meant for us. Growing up, we always had a 2 car garage. We never parked in it. Now is different. It’s a tight squeeze but we have been able to fit a lot of stuff inside our garage. I think it’s pretty amazing, actually. Among other things, here is some of the stuff housed in our garage.
4 surf boards

3 boogie boards

Wet suits and life jackets

3 kids bikes, 2 adult bikes, 1 tricycle, 2 scooters, 2 strollers, a bike trailer and a wagon

Sand toys, camping chairs, 2 tents, sleeping bags, tools, garden soil, 2 ice cream makers, holiday decorations, baby gear and outgrown clothing, and general storage like old journals and other things we don’t know where to put.

Paint

A washer and dryer

And lastly, a mini-van

Not too bad.

Remember when your three-year-old got syrup on his pants so you wiped it off with a wet cloth and then his pants were wet and he threw a fit until they dried and when they were dried he immediately calmed down and said I’m sorry I cried on you, Mom, and then he started wiping his soiled hands on his shirt to see if it was wet too, in the process getting his shirt wet and then throwing another fit that his shirt is a tiny bit wet? You don’t? Oh…uh…neither do I.

This was our little guy 3 years ago.

photo credit

And now

London recently found a print of this photo.  She has been carrying it around, even kissing it.  She says it’s her favorite picture.  I have to admit, it’s pretty cute.

As I was looking for that photo, I came across some others of London when she was a baby that I just can’t resist posting.  What a cute baby!

And then who can resist this one?  I found it on my camera the other day.  Still cute 6 years later.

Ashton turned 3 way back on the 7th. With all of the hubbub going on with my health and my mother-in-law moving and Easter, I wondered if his birthday would kind of get forgotten and he would be lost in the shuffle. I didn’t want that to happen, so we planned a few things. We happened to be in Hemet for his birthday, so the kids (and Taylor) went swimming with Taylor’s dad at the pool in his community. They had a great time! (At least the kids did!)

Afterwards we cleaned them up and we all headed over to Chuck E Cheese’s where Kerri and Parker and Holli and Tiffany (Holli’s roommate) all met up with us. I was glad we decided to do that. We all had a fun time, especially the kids, and it was an easy way to celebrate Ashton’s birthday.

Afterwards we went back to Kerri’s for presents and “cupcakes.” Since Ashton doesn’t really like cake, I just scooped strawberry (his choice, for some reason he has this thing for pink ice cream) ice cream into cupcake cups and decorated them. He didn’t even know the difference. I think he had a fun birthday despite all of the craziness. I can’t believe my baby is 3!

He was sure spoiled with gifts!

And in true birthday fashion, here are some things about my big boy. He still refuses to potty train himself so we’re stuck with diapers still. He also still refuses to sleep through the night consistently (maybe he still is my baby!). He loves to read. He loves to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He loves singing and dancing. He loves to play with trains and cars. And he loves his big sister (most of the time). He also loves to wrestle. We haven’t been to the doctor recently so I don’t know how tall he his or what he weighs, but I’m pretty sure it’s around 40 pounds. About the same as his big sister. Anyway, he’s fun and lovable. He loves to snuggle and give kisses. I’m so glad to have him in our family!

I went running today. The last time I went running was exactly 5 weeks ago. I missed it. A lot. Then I went. And it was hard. Really hard. I walked up the hills. I even walked in a spot that didn’t have hills at all and I cut out a bunch of our route as well. It was hard. But I’m back and excited to work it up again. More than the physical benefits of running, I have felt that I really needed the mental and emotional healing that comes with it. I have felt like I haven’t been able to completely heal without running (and my morning running buddies).

4 weeks ago I was 9 weeks pregnant. I had been feeling really good and healthy and thought that continuing my exercise regiment would be fine. I went in for my first prenatal appointment. When the nurse midwife did the ultrasound, she knew there was something wrong. The fetus wasn’t nearly the size it should have been at 9 weeks. I went in for blood tests and another ultrasound the next week. The embryo was still quite small and the doctor thought that it was a possibility that my dates were off. I was sure they weren’t. As the week progressed, I came to the realization that I would not keep the baby. My body was working on getting rid of it. I just had to wait. It took another week before I did, in fact, miscarry. By the time it finally happened, I was just relieved that I was done. Physically I was getting better. It was tough emotionally, but there were so many other family things we were dealing with (and spring break, Easter and Ashton’s birthday) that I didn’t take the time I needed for myself. I felt like I couldn’t. More than anything, I needed to run.

In the past 3 weeks I have had a bit more time to think and recover. More than anything, I feel blessed. I feel blessed to have a loving and supportive husband and family. I feel blessed to have good friends who help take care of me when I need help. I feel blessed to be healthy (except for this darned cold that I just caught). I feel blessed that even through the turmoil, I can still be happy (and I am). I feel blessed to have a Heavenly Father who loves me and cares for me and guides me. I feel blessed to have two healthy children. I feel blessed to finally be able to run again (and for the free therapy sessions it provides). I feel blessed to have a body that works.

Ashton turned 3 last Saturday. It has become quite obvious that we have a 3-year-old in our home now because it’s never quiet. That’s right, you’ll even hear screaming most nights around 1 a.m. He’s 3. I guess that’s to be expected. But with all of the crankiness and screaming comes a really cute and funny little guy. It’s just too bad we have to endure the torturous screams to get to that point. Sometimes I wonder what is going through that big head of his. Yesterday I was at the bank with both kids. As I was standing in line, Ashton started hugging London. This happens a lot. At first it looks like a cute, loving brother. But don’t be fooled. He’s just trying to get her unsteady so that he can get her on the floor and tackle her. This happens often. They will be playing in the other room and I hear London screaming that Ashton is on top of her and she can’t move. I don’t know whether to get mad at him, start laughing, or teach London how to fight back. She’s kind of a wimp when it comes to things like that (have you seen how tiny she is?) and Ashton’s just meant to be a wrestler, I guess.

Today the kids were in my room playing and I was downstairs cleaning up the kitchen. I kept hearing crashes and went up to investigate. I saw Ashton looking at himself in the mirrored closet door. Then he ran straight into the mirror. He did this over and over. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “I’m making bad choices, right Mom?” I’m pretty sure I’ve never told him that he’s making bad choices. Apparently London has. I assured him that, yes, he was making bad choices and maybe we should try to only make good choices from now on.

It has been a tough couple of weeks; some of the toughest I’ve had in a long, long time.  I feel bad for my family.  I have spent a lot of time in bed the last few days.  My kids want to get out.  My kids need to get out.  This week is Taylor’s spring break and despite being exhausted as well, he spent the day with the kids at the aquarium.  I hoped to be doing lots of fun things this week as a family, but at least I have been able to rest.  Today we had a meltdown.  I mean the kids had a meltdown.  They had run through London’s room and taken out all the toys and the dress-ups.  It was a disaster.  When it was time to clean up, neither of them wanted to.  There was a lot of whining and crying involved, and finally I left them alone to deal with it because I had a few things I needed to take care of as well.  When I went back in, they were both crying and Ashton was lying on top of London.  Apparently every time she tried to stand up, he would push her over and then climb on top of her so she couldn’t get up.  (I will admit, sometimes this behavior is comical, especially since she’s older than him by 3 1/2 years.)  Finally I just sat down with them.  These last couple of weeks haven’t been easy for them either.  They need more than I have been able to give.  They can’t be ignored.  I held them both on my lap and explained to them that I love them very much and that I know they have been having a hard time too. We all counted to ten and took a deep breath.  It helped us all feel better.  They got the room cleaned up and everybody was much happier.  Things seem to be looking up.  I hope it only gets better from here.  But as much as the kids want to go to the beach tomorrow (and the forecast is looking fabulous), I don’t think I’m up for that just yet.  Maybe next week.

P.S. No, I’m not pregnant.